Angry Yogi – A Love Letter



I am an angry yogi, I noticed that this morning on the scooter to class and my poor students had to take it.That’s irresponsible! She is a yogi she shouldn’t be angry?! Nope, I am a human and not 24/7 a happy hippo. And I don’t believe in a fake spirituality of wearing a mask of constant-positivity, cause no one is – until enlightened. And even then I doubt that an enlightened monk never wakes up with a bad mood, but they can let go of it easier for sure. I heard writing is therapeutic technique to transforms anger into a healthy expression healthy and an efficient text, so thats what this might be.

Actually there is a reason why I am angry. Usually something acts like a trigger for our anger, my trigger in this case was a vinyasa class I took last night. Where a colorful variety of poses was unskillfully and unsafley thrown together, a tripod, a loose shoulderstand, half moon, galavasana, boat, warrior II, warrior III, crow pose ect. Yes, I sweated crazy. It seamed like the yoga teacher tryed to impress the students with as many poses as possible from each pose category, most difficult, and complex – combination sequences that where practices for 10 min balancing on only one leg. These days where it is so easy to call yourself a ‘ yoga teacher ‘ after one month of training-the number of people who are ‘yoga teachers ‘ increases but also the number of people who have actually no clue about the tradition and the science of yoga. Cause thats what yoga is, it is a science, it is a philosophy and a tradition. 

Few know about the anatomy of the physical body, and the anatomy of the mind. Cause EVERY POSE has an immidiate energetic effect on our mind, emotional, physical and mind body. Its not just rowing various poses next to eachother and thats it. Teaching yoga is an art. It has so so much to it to make a yoga class a real good one, a real healthy and even healing one. 

I am angry and actually sad about how poorly yoga is taught these days, unskillfully and watered down to a physical exercise practice! Guys, sweating as much as possible and doing most fancy poses in a row has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOGA!!! This is an exercise class please call it gymnastics, call it workout but not yoga.

yogas chitta vritti nirodhaha 

yoga is the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind.

  • Yoga = to yoke, to join, to unite
  • Chitta = consciousness / mind 
  • Vritti = fluctuations
  • Nirodhah = quieting of

tada drashtuh svarupe avasthanam

Then the Seer abides in Itself, resting in its own True Nature, which is called Self-realization.

  • tada = then, at that time; at the time of concentration and meditation
  • drashtuh = the seer’s, of the soul, witness, Atman, Self; from the root drsh, which means to see (It is significant to note that Patanjali is not trying to define who is the seer, or the nature of that seer. This is left to be answered or resolved in direct experience.)
  • svarupe = in its own nature, own form  or essence; (sva = own; rupa = form)
  • avasthanam = stability, settling, remaining, being in a state, resting, standing, lying, abiding; the root stha means to stand

Taught by the wise sage patanjai in the yoga sutras one of the famouse, classic philosophic yogic texts. 

Patanjali is basically saying: We have to get still first then we can experience our purest and true being, which is pure expansive awareness. 

Only when you still the fluctuations of the mind you can experience more of who you are, the you can reach a state of yoga, of union. Cause thats what yoga means. 

He didn’t say, yoga is about sweating like crazy and and showing off in your armbalance. 

I ask you, how can you your mind get still when you sweat through as many poses as possible with no break inbetween ? How can you breathe properly and sense the energetic impact of the pose when there is no space to do so?! When there are no moments of stillness. And when the shavasana is only 3 min long, how can integration work in you and carry you into a space of expansive awareness – your own true beingness ?!

(Why savasana is the most important pose of the practice I soon will write an article about)

Why don’t you just chill Wanda, why do you bother? Cause I care! Thats why, I truely care for yoga and the gift that yoga has to offer to us. I honor what the traditional has taught about yoga. 

And surely Yoga is many things and Patanjali is not the only yogi there was. But what the majority of ancient yogis and spiritual masters have found out:

Yoga the gift of selfrememerence. Yoga is the practice, the path to our true self. The öath of selfrealization.

The gift of realizing more of who we truely are. To reconnect to our divine nature. And in order to do that we have to become more aware, and we can only become more aware of the thoughts, actions and decisions we take, the content of our mind, if we slow down. Yes, we HAVE TO SLOW DOWN OUR PRACTICE there is no other way in order to truely reconnect with our essence. We can not become sensitized to energy or notice the fluctuations of our mind if we hardly can breathe or can not be still for a single minute. Nice workout but not yoga. So I would like to propose that not every yoga class that says you get yoga is actually yoga. Quiete the opposite – cause if you look on what tradition says, yoga is meant to calm the mind. If it doesn’t do that and you feel all over the place after class, it was not yoga. 

Yes I think the definition of what yoga is and what not should be more strict. 

If yoga doesn’t lead you to more awareness, if it doesn’t center you into your being, if you don’t become sensitized to your own breath, feelings and energy and the energy around you, there should not be no label of yoga on the class.

Yoga should lead you more and more inward to the true being that you are. Not to an egoic 

‘ I like to show off – achievement mindset ‘

Patanjali also didn’t say

Yoga = Asana. Yoga is not Asana. Everyone who knows about the eight folded path of Patanjali 

( ) – knows that asana is only a very small part of the scientific path of yoga philosophy. 

And the more I learn about it, the deeper I study it, the more I realize how less I know. 

What I propose to you is to not buy into a superficial idea of yoga as asana. What yoga really does to you and what it opens up, you will not find in an image on Instagram, its not possible to show yoga in an image. Its a practice, its a practical experience. And yoga has to offer to us so much more than physical practice. A complete yogic practice, should integrate a part of asana, savasana, pranayama and meditation – under the umbrella of a specific theme. 

Maybe by then you have noticed I am truely passionate about yoga, yes I truly love it. I am really much in love with it and what it had done to me and my life. It has opened me up in so many ways. Yoga has helped me to become more free of my conditioning and my limiting believes. It  helped to become an embodied being, to become more of you I truely am and less of who I think I was. 

I want the same for you. I want you to realize your true divine nature your infinite potential. I don’t want that people get turned off by yoga cause they think they are not flexible enough or strong enough to do fancy poses. 

If you can sit and you can breathe, you can do yoga! 

Lets practice yoga right now:

Just sit down, close your eyes and take a few deeper, concious breathe, feel how the breath moves in and out through both of your nostrils, feel how the chest expands with every exhale, and the chest contracts with every the exhale. 

Follow the breath in and out a few moments. Become aware that you are not your thoughts. That the thoughts as an own entiry come in and pass by infeont of your minds inner eyeY Feel how your witness your thoughts. Just remain silent for a few moments, and connect with that part within you that is the witness of all what’s happening. Your true you. Pure awareness itself. 

How do you feel?!

Still angry? No I am not. But I wish that yoga would be taught more skillfully and more carefully with more knowledge about the poses and what they do to usD 

Now its raining here in Bali, but that doesn’t make me angry no, it’s soothing it’s cozy. In one hour is my next class happening. It will be a beginners class and it will be all about the breath. 

Slow. Alignment based. Spacious. 

Come and join a class of mine when you are around Ubud, and experience the whole range of yoga more than just asana, experience more of what yoga holds as a gift for as. 

Maybe I will be angry, maybe not, but for sure passionate for yoga, and teaching from a place of love. 


With Love, Wanda

Let your faith be bigger than your fears


The journey of the yogi is one for the brave ones.
Its about becoming what is called a bhakta – a faithful one.
Moving from fear towards love. From contraction towards expansion.From doubts towards trust.

Moving out and away from the voices and limiting believes inside of us that hold us small and that keep us below our capacity to thrive and shine our light into this world.

And yes it takes courage to open our hearts to the unknown and to scream YES I am ready! As we open our arms to all possibilities ahead. Its fucking scary to be brave.
And brave doesn’t mean to have no fear but it is to do it anyway.

Especially in times where life shakes us up and everything seams to be chaotic we should feel the fear and move towards what scares us most.

Where there is the fear there is the way, and what scares us will liberate us.
The journey of the yogi is moving out of old repetitive patterns which hold us back from our own potential, and see where is the biggest growth.

Stepping up the game and into our own largeness, into our greatness is scary, because it means also to become vulnerable – To Say: Look at me, here I am with a wide open expansive heart, that is my gift and thats what I am sharing with you and the world. It”s free falling.

But when you feel into your heart, right now, and ask yourself what scares you the most at the moment ?! Is it the new relationship thats moving towards you and you are scared to fully commit and become vulnerably ? Is it leaving your old job and not knowing what comes next cause you realize your job just makes you sick !? And it doesn’t have to be big, maybe it is just super scary to break out of the reactive pattern of your own behavior that you repeat again and again and you know they are actually destructive!?

So whatever it is that scares you, and be super honest with yourself, do THAT thing!
Do it and jump, jump into the unknown, let go with a faithful heart – become a BHAKTA.
Trust and have faith that the universe, that god has a plan for you.
Have faith that there is a bigger picture we can’t see yet in our narrow mind.

Open yourself to all possibilities ahead, being open to the BIG PICTURE picture and play it BIG.
Step into the Power of your own Light, and don”t wait ,do it now, NOW is the time!

Sending you all Infinite Love & Graditude

The Moon & The Sun – HATHA


The yoga tradition says we, as humans exists as a two folded being, we are a sum up of the fundamental energy of the moon and the sun. Which is speaking in codes, Moon = Consciousness/Mind and Sun = Energy/Prana. 

In Hatha Yoga we want to work with those two energy’s, meeting them in the middle using our breath to cultivate more energy / sun light in order to affect our mind / moon and using our awareness our mind to connect with source. You can give that source also other names, depending on what you believe in: God, Allah, Buddha nature, universe or universal consciousness. 

In order to experience ourselves, in the deeper and subtle layers of our being, we first of all have to slow down our practices and our yoga teaching. As teachers and students, in both cases we have to slow down. Slowing down sounds so easy, but its not, especially when we are used to practice and teach in a faster way. But the real jewels are hidden in the slow, and that doesn’t mean lame, but in a mindful way of practicing yoga. 

I love yoga and this path I am on here as a teacher and student of yoga at The Practice Bali. I feel so grateful and happy to be part of what the yoga tradition wants for us: Cultivating a stable mind with a radiant open heart. Becoming a mentally, emotional stable being – calm but energized. The marriage of the Moon & the Sun! 

I would love to see you all soon here in Bali at THE PRACTICE in one of my Hatha Yoga Classes, experiencing the subtler layers of who you are, through asana, pranayama and meditation.


Wanda Badwal

See the good, Be the good


We choose the quality of our lives and relationships. We have the freedom to use our God-given opportunities to make our lives useful for ourselves and for others. 

I claim myself being a student of the Kriya Yoga Lineage. A lineage create and passed over for hundreds of years by the great Kriya Yoga Masters, Babji, Lahiri Mahasaya, Sri Yukteswar and Paramahamsa Yogananda – who is known as the author of the famous and one of the most amazing books of all times: The Autobiography of a Yogi. If you have not read it yet, do it! It will change your life! I just receive the yearly Christmas letter, from the Kriya Yoga Community, written by current presenter of the Kriya Yoga Lineage: Paramahamsa Prajnanananda.

It is deeply inspiring, precious and wise that I want to share most of his letter here with you. Enjoy reading. Love Wanda

Loving and Divine Soul,

Time flows like a river. The water in the river is sweet. If this water is not used, it ultimately flows back to the ocean and becomes salty. Time is precious and does not wait for anyone. If we do not use it, an opportunity will slip from our hands. Our beloved Shri Gurudev often said, Opportunity must not be neglected, for it may never return. But what do we really do every day? Our precious time and talent, our minds and memory, although precious, are we using them for our evolution? This precious time will not come back to us again. It flows back to the timeless spirit or into a state of death.

We choose the quality of our lives and relationships. We have the freedom to use our God-given opportunities to make our lives useful for ourselves and for others. Unfortunately, many of us abuse this treasure. A beautiful verse in Sanskrit describes human nature with a beautiful comparison:

sadgunah gunam icchanti dosham icchanti pamarah makshikah vranam icchanti madhum icchanti bhramarah

As flies seek filthy things or pus, and bees search for a source of honey in flowers, people
with vices look for faults in others, while noble and good people always see goodness in others.

Let us reflect upon our lives and find out what kind of people we are. Are we good or bad? What are our minds like ” flies or bees? Do we try to find faults in others or do we see goodness in all?

The answer will reveal what kind of life we are leading. A faultfinding nature is a great vice and we should eliminate it. It is a virus that can bring a host of miseries into life. Seeing good in others is the door to see God in all. It is possible only when we become good and do good to others.

This year, from 5 January 2017 to 5 January 2018, we will celebrate the 125th anniversary of the birth of our great Gurudev Paramahamsa Yoganandaji who always emphasized that we should be free from finding fault. We should transform our lives with the beginning of this new year.

Let us begin this new year with a new light of love and compassion, with a new understanding of seeing good and doing good. Let this new year be a turning point in our lives. Let us all use our precious time to make ourselves divine and ultimately make this beautiful world a real paradise.

Wishing you all a prosperous and spiritual New Year.

With Love, Prajnanananda


Beautiful Minds


Namaste Yogis,

We see them every day: Beautiful Faces – especially living here in Canggu AK Hipsters Town where the average Age is between 16 – 25. In those media focused days, we are spoiled with outer Beauty!
But how many beautiful minds do we actually meet?!

In my former life as a model and actress I have met a lot of those: Beautiful Faces! And don’t get me wrong, I love Beauty and Aesthetics.

But when I look back into my model and acting times I felt mostley lonely amongst those VIP partys I rareley had a deep, meaningful or inspiring conversation with one of those beauties. It was a lot about the external and little about the content of our minds & heart.
The deep need for depth and the meaningful questions: Who am I? What is the meaning of life? What happens when we die? Brought me to my full commitment to the yogic path.

Many of us, me included, struggle with the acceptance of our body looks, how many of us hold criticism and judgement about our outer appearance?! In times of botox, beauty surgery and photoshop we all are used to a picture – perfect which we likely, subconsciously, compare ourselves too.The reality is, we all age, we all die, and if we don’t do botox or beauty surgery, we can do very little about our anatomy, the shape of our butt, our height, the color of our eyes, or our hair thickness.

This body, our outer appearance is something we come onto this world. with. Its our gift, this vessel is the suite our soul travels in, in this very life time, its our temple we’ve given. And we should treat it well, with love, care and respect, yes.Eat healthy food, get enough sleep and rest, exercise yoga, surfing, running ect.
This is all true and at the same time, this body, this hair, these eyes, its not YOU! The human body is amazing, the complex functions are just mind-blowing, but its important to remember: Its not who you are! You are not your body, you are not your look!

‘ I AM NOT MY HAIR, I AM NOT THIS SKIN I AM A SOUL THAT LIVES WITHIN ‘ – As India Arie one of my favorite artist sings

Cause its not so much about how we actually look like, but through which lense do we look onto ourselves and others?! A warm, loving sense? A generous sense?!

Yoga offers us many tools to refine the content of our minds. The first step is to become AWARE, aware that we are not our thoughts, our believes and that we have a choice though which sense we want to look into this world.


In the slower, meditative Practices, like MOON HATHA, YIN & MEDITATION we offer you the opportunity to move your body smooth and conscious and at the same time have a closer look into the content of your mind.


Love Wanda

What are the Chakra’s?!


Maybe you have heard the word chakra before and never really been clear about it what chakras really are?! How do they appear in our body?! And most importantly how do they play out in our everyday life?!

Lets start in the beginning, the word chakra from the sanskrit word cakra which means „wheel“. From a yogic and holistic perspective the human being doesn’t exist only as flesh, bones and blood but in the first place as an energetic being – a soul. Chakras are part of our energy body, our subtle body, which we can’t usually be seen with our eyes, only when we are very psychic.

‚You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body‘ – C.S. Lewis

Chakras are our main energy centers in our subtle body running along our spine, from our tailbone towards the top of the crown, shining in all various colors of the rainbow. There are 9 fundamental forces in our human experience, but 7 major ones which I will focus on in this article. Ancient yogis discovered the chakras in deep meditative states, sensing the different colors and qualities of the energy centers, as bundle of nerves around the spine. Often chakras are shown as wheels, or a vortex of swirling energy or as flower like symbol ( yantra symbol ) with a certain amount of petals. 

Indeed every chakra / energy center has its own number of  ‚flower petals‘ – and is demonstrated in a yantra symbol  – these petals are related to the different Nadis meeting at this very particular chakra. Nadis are energetic pathways through which prana ( life-force – also known as chi in chinese medicine ) flows. 

Prana is our essence, it is the life giving force, we find prana in sunlight, food ( which is grown though light), nature are the essence of prana. Prana is which keeps us all alive and vibrates through our cells. Through yogic practices like Pranayama techniques ( Breath control ), meditation, asana practice we can multiply the amount of prana we taking in through our cells and lungs. The most potent fields of panic environment we find near the ocean, in nature, a forrest and in very high vibrant food. So we can take prana in from the outside and at the same time we are also constantly running on a pranic level during our lifes. 

Each of our Chakras has a specific location in the physical body, has it’s own  color, element, mantra, connected organs, a sense of perception, and specific qualities and characteristics, there are even specific flowers, stones and yoga poses to strengthen or balance a particular energy center in our body. 

Through some chakras the prana flow is more fluently and through some chakras the prana flow might be depleted or even too strong depending on our constitution, our experiences and how we treat ourselves in life.

From a yogic perspective everybody already comes in with a specific map of chakra – constitution, this is called yantra  – yoga.But this would be a different conversation. As we move into the knowledge of the different chakras It is interesting to discover which chakras are already strong inside of us, balanced and which are depleted  or over active/ too strong. From a holistic view we want to live in a balanced state, our energy body as well as our physical body. It’s essential that our seven main chakras stay open, aligned, and fluid. If there is a blockage, energy ( prana ) can not flow.
Yogi Bhajan says, when the energetic body is healed the physical body will follow. 

The chakras system is very detailed system here I will give you a short overview of the different chakras, their qualities and location in the body.

1. Chakra: Muladhara / Root Chakra 

Color: Red
Yantra Symbol: Yellow Square in 4 – sided red mandala
Element: Earth
Force: Gravity, primal force in material creation
Physical Location: end of the spine, pelvic floor, tailbone and beyond the physical body Characteristics when Chakra is balanced: being rooted, trust in life, being supported and held by life, feeling secure, and taken care of, primary instinct, survival, power to survive, sustainability, security, stability, grounded, rooted, satisfaction of primal needs
Sense Perception / Jnanendriya: Smelling Physical Body / Karmendriya: The feet, moving towards or away from something, closest contact with the earth, legs
Organs: Testes, kidneys, spine Mantra: I AM Bija / Sound Mantra: LUNG 2. Chakra: Swadhistana / Home of the Self ( the small one ) Chakra
Color: Orange
Yantra Symbol: Cresecent moon in 6 – sided mandala
Element: Water
Force: Adhesion, Covalence, bonds between atoms and
Physical Location: sacrum
Characteristics when Chakra is balanced: going with the flow, letting go, creativity, emotions, sexuality, acceptance, open minded, sensitive, nurturing, social, sharing energy in various forms of relationships, vitality, fertile, sensuality, movability, flexibility
Sense Perception / Jnanendriya: Tasting
Physical Body / Karmendriya: Hands, being creative with our hands, music,painting
Organs: sex organs, bladder, fluids in the body, prostate, ovaries, kidneys,
Mantra: I FEEL
Bija / Sound Mantra: VUNG 

3. Chakra: Manipura / Solarplexus Chakra – City of Jewels

Color: Yellow
Yantra Symbol: Red, downward looking triangle yellow 10 –
sided mandala
Element: Fire / Sun Center
Force: Combustion / Burning / Verbrennung , the force of
change and transformation, liberation of energy, energy we feel
as heat, energy we see as light, campfire, sun, digestive fire
( agni ), changes food into energy
Physical Location: two fingers above the navel
Characteristics when Chakra is balanced: self – determination, willpower, self – expressive into the world, artistic confident, generous, protective, lively, active, ambition, motivated, initiators of plans loves change, spontaneity, power & action
Sense Perception / Jnanendriya: Seeing, there is a neurological connection between the eyes and the optic nerve and the solar plexus
Physical Body / Karmendriya: the anus, the end of the digestive tract and the control point of letting go
Organs: Intestines, pancreas, liver, bladder, stomach, upper spine

4. Chakra: Anahata / Heart Chakra – Center of un-struck sound 

Color: green, light rose/pink
Yantra Symbol: Two interlaced triangles, circled by 12 – sided
Element: Air
Force: Expansion/ Repulsion ( zusammenziehend ) , all
expansion outward moving force in the universe, force that makes
us breathe keeps the heart beating,
Physical Location: Heart center / Chest
Characteristics when Chakra is balanced: Heart opening, loving,
compassion, love giving, seeing each being as divine, non – judgmental,
purity, love, acceptance, tolerance, forgiving, joyful
Sense Perception / Jnanendriya: Feeling
Physical Body / Karmendriya: Heart, need to feel, orgasm,blissful
Organs: heart, lungs, skin
Mantra: I LOVE
Bija / Sound Mantra: YUNG 

5.Chakra: Vishuddha / Center of Purity ( under the matter, sound and vibration is the purest form of reality) – Throat Chakra 

Color: Blue
Yantra Symbol: pink oval, in blue 16 – sided mandala
Element: Ether – electromagnetic vibration
Force: Electro Magnetism, Vibration at a wide range of frequency,
vibrant force, infinite space through light waves, vibrates through
our brain cells, stimulating thoughts, free – flowing vibrant power
Physical Location: in the throat
Characteristics when Chakra is balanced: Life adjustable,
Communication, Inspiration, able to express our truth, fearless,
personal individual ability of expression, Exchange of knowledge,
exchange with the surrounding
Sense Perception / Jnanendriya: Hearing
Physical Body / Karmendriya: throat, voice, speaking or singing
Organs: Bronchial tubes, vocal cords, respiratory system, all areas of the mouth, including tongue and esophagus
Mantra: I SPEAK
Bija / Sound Mantra: HUNG 

6.Chakra: Ajna / 3rd eye / Command Center 

Color: violet, indigo
Yantra Symbol: Circle with two side petals
Element: Mind – elemental force of mind knows as magnetism
Force: Magnetism, magnetic patterns which hold every particle or wave in its place or in its path, genetic blueprint from which our personal manifestation originates
Physical Location: between the eyebrows
Characteristics when Chakra is balanced: Intuition, access to inner wisdom, imagination, conception, understanding of relating inners processes, visionary, spiritual awareness
Sense Perception / Jnanendriya: extrasensory perception, psychic abilities
Organs: nose, eyes, ears, face, brain
Mantra: I SEE
Bija / Sound Mantra: UNG ( ng sound )

7.Chakra: Sahas-rara / Crown Chakra 

Color: White, gold
Yantra Symbol: Thousand petaled lotus
Element: Awareness
Force: Consciousness, Awareness, spiritual essence
Physical Location: Crown/ Top of the head
Characteristics when Chakra is balanced: opening to the divine,
spirituality, universal love, higher knowing, cosmic, consciousness,
enlightenment, reflective, meditative, pure awareness Sense Perception / Jnanendriya: All
Organs: scull, cerebrum, Spinal cord and brain system
Mantra: I KNOW
Bija / Sound Mantra: AUM / OM 

When you have read now through the different Chakras you might notice that some chakras feels quiete balanced inside of you and another one might feel more depleted or difficult to relate to. This can give us a hint for our present state in life, what we should work on or what is important in order to feel more balanced.

To make it a bit more relatable for you here 2 examples how you could read for yourself the chakra knowledge:

For example when you are going through a phase of change and transition in your life, you might have lost or change your job, moving to another city, ending a relationship. You most likely have feelings of insecureity and ungrounded, cause literally the „earth is shaking „ for you. That means your 1 st chakra, the chakra of security and stability is being challenged and maybe out of balance. So for you its important now to care for yourself  and give yourself extra love and security and spending time with loving friends in order to give yourself some security back.And also it would be a time of trusting life that everything happens for a reason and everything will be alright even it might not occur to you like this at the moment.

Another example, if you have a very silent voice and its hard for you to speak up you might even have problems with your voice, lots of tension in the neck or your thyroid. This could be signs for a depleted 5 th chakra – throat chakra. 

The chakra of expressing our truth and speaking up being heard. Singing and expression lessons like theater play would be great to do for you.

Makes sense?! So when you would like to dig deeper into the chakra system it is a facinating system which can help us a lot to understand ourselves and others better and our struggles and constitution as human beings.

I hope this article was helpful and inspiring for you.

If you like to keep in touch check out on 

Facebook: Wanda Badwal Yoga

Instgram: WandaBawal

Lots of Love

Daisy Duck, Dhumavati and Me or The Art of Letting Go


Sooner or later, everyone of us has to learn to Let Go. Of situations, material things, cities, countries and people.

Letting go of our parents when we move out of the house, letting go of a romantic relationship, of friendships, of our grandparents and parents when they die and more material things like the flat we lived in, books, clothes ect….

I personally often have a hard time letting go, if it comes to relationships or even material things I collected and bought with a lot of intention or love.

Soon I will fly to my home country Germany where there is a big clearing process waiting, the process of giving up my flat and selling lots of my stuff.

Days ahead in the dark basement of my parents, opening all the boxes, selecting, deciding, what do I eventually need one day again and store there?! what do I take to Bali ( just 30 kg in total ) – and what do I let go of sell or give away to friends?!

My Goal is to let go of as much as possible.

Me, my mum, my brother and a friend of mine will do a flee market, like we’ve done it the few last years, its always fun, you get up at 5 am in the morning and have to be at the market around 7 am to get a good spot. Then you will stand there the whole day, many people of different countries will pass by, many tourists, and you will talk, sell and laugh, eat and sweat.

In the end of the day you are done, so done, your feet hurt so that you need a serious reflexology massage from your boyfriend but you will also feel happy and light, yes so light. The only difference this time is that I will sell things I REALLY like, not the ugly flower pot with a frog face you go from your aunty or the pair of socks with kittens patterns, no I am talking about your favorite red lacquer high heels ( you wore maybe 2 times and it hurts like crazy to wear them, but who cares they are just sooo beautiful to look at and to imagine yourself wearing them – hahaha 😉

And then there is this daisy duck pullover and I love it so much it makes me happy to wear it, its very warm and a little oversized, perfect over a leggings, its dark blue and has a daisy head on it with a glitter surrounding, it wasn’t even expensive but its one of those cheesy and very cool pieces, you know?! But for bali definitely way too hot, and who knows when and if I will ever gonna wear it again?! So why shall it rot in the basement ?!

All this won’t be easy I guess!

And I asked myself what can help me in the process of letting go.

I came to to the goddess Dhumavati, not one of the sexiest or most famous ones under the divine tantric mothers.

But definitely a powerful and helpful one to honor.

In india she is invoked by widows and people who lost somebody or want to let go of something. But she is the most misunderstood and tender – hearted goddess. She is not misfortune she is our Lady of Rest from all sorrows and misfortune.

Dhumavati’s outer appearance seams to be disgusting and not as beautiful as Lakshmi or Sarasvati, but for those you can’t see beyond the surface and see her inner beauty and love. For those who can go past the fear to look at her she promises immortality. ( Isn’t that a worth a look?! 😉

The Origin of Dhumavati – The smokey one

Dhumavati was originally Shivas wife Sati, who knew that?!

Once Sati was dwelling in the himalayas and Sati became very hungry, she asked Shiva to get her something to eat but he refused. So Sati ate Shiva instead. ( This bad ass Goddess doesn’t take much time when it comes to getting her needs met 😉

So the result of eating Shiva was that Sati widowed herself.( what surprise – haha )

Shiva asked Sati to vomit him out and let him free – Sati finally followed his will but he was so mad that he cursed her into the form of Dhumavati.

And Dhumavati is always hungry, but only eating Shiva will satisfy her hunger.

All the stories in hindu mythology are symbols and metaphors for our own life, so from my perspective I understand her hunger like this:

As Shiva embodies pure consciousness you could say, that nothing will satisfy her hunger except the deep nourishment that comes from recognizing herself beyond all forms, identifications and material things, but as pure consciousness itsef.

Animal: The crow which symbolizes death itself and the death of worn out forms.

Symbol of Her Basket : The basket represents the need to discern the inner essence from the illusion of outer forms.

The Dress: Is taken from corpse at the crematory grounds, to reming us that we don’t take anything material with us when we die.

Invoke Dhumavati for:

the guidance of your wise grandmother
the wise old woman/man inside of you
for great detachment
rids you of all enemies also the internal ones
ends your frustrations
discovering the freedom in letting go
humor and wisdom of the crone
accepting old age
finding unexpected blessing in loss
So the goddess Dhumavati will travel with me to Germany, she will help me to let go of material things, detach and find rest in the freedom of letting go.

She will help me to allow a part of myself to die, even though that may sound dramatic, thats how it feels, leaving behind the identity i have built up over many years in order to swim with the river of life towards new shores, towards where Im meant to be.

The beautiful thing about invoking and working with gods and goddesses is that we don’t have to be religious or pray to them on an altar if we don’t feel like that.

The gods and goddess from a tantric perspective are all aspects of ourselves, they live inside of us. Although even this is not essential, it can help to carry a picture or chant a mantra to invoke of a certain deity more strongly inside of us.

Here is the Mantra for Dhumavati: Dhum Dhum Dhumavati Svaha

Dhumavati can be a good friend for all of us, not only when we have something to let go of. She is especially empowering for us woman, as most of us have a hard time accepting the fact that we get older, myself included and we feel ourselves under a big pressure of youth delusional. Dhumavati can help us to accept the fact that we all age and die.

No, that fact is not sooo sexy, I know, but its important that we accept this natural process otherwise we all end up living in fear and augmenting our faces to look like Daisy Duck. This is not my standard of a beautiful woman. I want to be a woman that ages gracefully, who calmly accepts herself in her aging process, accepts her wrinkles and her spots, accepts her scars and is proud of herself, because she knows she is one in a million. She knows her worth and inner beauty, she trusts in her wisdom and life experience and believes that the right man loves her just the way she is.

She has an easy time letting go as time passes by and trusts in the guidance of life and god.

One fact helps me when I think about death in terms of letting go :

‘When I will leave this world, I will leave naked, I will not take any of these material things with me when my soul leaves this body’

For me one good reason to practice yoga is to learn how to deal better with the challenges of life, but also how to deal with the fact that death is a part of life and that one day our body’s going to die.This goes for all of us – Trusting and relaxing into the uncertainty of life, trusting that we are guided, taken care of and held by life.

Even though you might have heard it many times: what matters is not how we look, what we have or who we think we are and identify ourselves with ( don’t get me wrong I will not stopp buying myself beautiful earrings or a cool Daisy Duck Shirt – I heard Bali has plenty of them?! I also love the treasures of material life, I am not dogmatic at all ; )

But I also know that what matters the most, what matters in the end is how much we have loved and embody love, the love we feel in our hearts towards ourselves and the love towards others. The collective frequency of love is what will make the world a better place, and it is this which we should all put our focus on.


Yours Wanda